Many Drivers will Show Commission-Like Selfishness on the Road this Weekend

Editorial: AAA projects 45.1 million Americans will travel. If you're among them, and watch Hoke County politics, the deceitful lane changes and vengeful tactics on the road won't come as a surprise.

Chart courtesy of AAA

AAA projects the number of people traveling Thursday, May 22, through Monday, May 26, will set a new record at 45.1 million. Expect backups on the highway, long lines at the airport and anger to boil over faster than at a Hoke County Commission meeting.

The previous record for travel over the Memorial Day Weekend was set in 2005, according to AAA. That year roughly 44 million traveled somewhere to be with loved ones and friends, or enjoy the extra day off.

Since they never really work, and no one is willing to be seen with them in public, commissioners will be spending the weekend alone. They’ll be busy, however, countin’ flowers on the wall, playin’ solitaire ’till dawn, with a deck of 51. Watchin’ Captain Kangaroo while packing for a trip to Charlotterroo. That’s what they’ll do. (I bet that Statler Brothers tune will be stuck in your head for a while.)

Meanwhile, lower gas prices will entice more to get behind the wheel this holiday weekend than ever before. Eighty-seven percent of people on the move will drive. That comes to 39.4 million in a vehicle. Expect 70 percent of them parked in the high speed lane doing 10 below the speed limit. A full 90 percent will keep their left-hand turn signal on.

By Air

AAA predicts 3.61 million people will be boarding a plane during the Memorial Day Weekend. That’s a two-percent increase over last year. It doesn’t break 2005’s record of 3.65 million, but you can anticipate delays in the TSA toothpaste-confiscation line.

The Hoke County Commission routinely shuns flights to relatively close destinations like Raleigh or Charlotte. They prefer climbing behind the wheel of their luxury rides, where they can crank up their Bad 5 team song, “Damn it Feels Good to be a Gangsta.”

Plus, one commissioner always worries his wardrobe might get stolen from his check-on luggage. It’s bad enough to travel without a stylist, but it’s uncivilized to have a photo/video taken in anything less than an expensive outfit crafted from the finest iridescent fishing lure material China has to offer.

For Us Peasants

“Memorial Day weekend getaways don’t have to be extravagant and costly,” said Stacey Barber, vice president of AAA Travel. “While some travelers embark on dream vacations and fly hundreds of miles across the country, many families just pack up the car and drive to the beach or take a road trip to visit friends. Long holiday weekends are ideal for travel because many people have an extra day off work and students are off from school.”

Here are some tips to save cash if you are braving the road.

Consult prices on the AAA fuel site and use the organization’s gas cost calculator. If you are a AAA member you can also qualify for discounts on gas through a Fuel Rewards program at many Shell stations.

Once you fill up, avoid speeding. Fuel economy peaks at around 50 mph on most cars and declines with speed.

The commission highly recommends going slow, in the high-speed lane, leaving the left-hand turn signal on and avoiding at all costs reducing you speed—on the road or at home—enough to actually see what they’re up to.

In that way you’ll arrive safely at the destination they prescribe, most often someplace “Down in the Boondocks.”

For readers staying at home, I hope each and every one of you enjoy quality time with family and friends—the people who enrich our lives so very much. Fly the flag, give thanks and remember those who made the ultimate sacrifice to defend the front line of our freedom. If you still feel the urge to get out this weekend, we highly recommend the Vets4Vets gathering in downtown Raeford on Saturday.